Especially in what we do better in, and start to compare with others.

People, let's all learn to be humble and how to have humility.

I need to be more independent.

I should stop being dependent on others; start getting used to being alone, doing things alone, enjoy going out alone, etc...
That may make me adapt to my future even better..

I'm not being negative, it's just that as we grow up, everyone will be busy with their own life, work and family. I can't possibly be with my friends all the time (unless all my friends and I are tai tais who goes for tea session) haha!

I feel like I'm living a purpose-less life now. I don't feel fulfilled at all. Okay maybe I do, when I do camps and impact my kids, but apart from that, what else? :(

I know that holidays are meant to rest/work/have fun.. I'm left with 2 months of holidays and I hope that I'll make the most out of it. I would like to do something I always wanted, like learning a new language (which is difficult now cause of my random NUS and church camps schedules and my other commitments). Timing clash :(

Maybe I'm too influenced by Singapore's way of living - overly work-centred. Maybe I'm used to working and working (studying the working) and playing a bit only. Now I understand why having long holidays is actually quite bad for our personal growth and why work stimulates our brain. I feel as if my brain cells are dying because shopping/staying at home doing nothing or watching tv is brainless (apart from calculating my expenditure). I admit camping allows me to learn super a lot of things but my eagerness to do camps died because of the amount of physical and mental strength I've to put in for every single camps.

Sigh, what am I suppose to do :( holidays are ending and I'm rotting away. Save me!!!

Maybe I should start studying. :O

I realize that I'm surrounded by many many many/all(close to me) non-Christians (except for church people) or have rocky relationships with God. This thought came upon me during DG today, when we were taught about loving in humility. Loving non-believers, I know that there's a difference between believers and non-believers, but why must we differentiate them D:

Similarly, I also realize how God is trying to put me in a situation whereby I can be the light amongst my friends. It's hard, to be the only Christian in my sec sch clique, pri sch clique, jc clique(getting there), work friends, blabla.. For me, I don't know how to share the gospel. I don't know how to say it aloud, not that I don't want to save, but I think I'm too (unworthy/not knowledgeable enough) to share and convert people 0.0 and I'm stuck between having people's rights to believe and having to save them. I'm fine with non-believers (ain't they still human beings after all), totally. Aiya, sian so many conflicting thoughts. I sound like as if Satan just attacked me. haha!

Anyway, apart from all these problems, I have a HUGE problem now. Camp ;( I don't like pee-ii. haha! Whoever who reads this, pray for me! I'm a girl who is afraid of being dirty. And for this venue, it's totally, clay, mud, water, sea water with pee poop shampoo detergent (whatever you name it). D: save me. 6 days in pee-ii, spells GG. heh. If only I'm not pee-ii trained.

Another thing, MAMA WANTS ME TO LEARN A 3RD LANGUAGE HEHEHEHE AND SHE AGREES WITH ME LEARNING THAI MUAHAHAHA. so I'm going to find a language school which teaches Thai and accommodate my camp-filled schedule for June & July! Yay! Something to do for the holidays! Ehehehe. Hopefully can find, and I'll be a Thai pro in 2 months. I wanted Malay because then I can speak more to my Malay camp kids but my mum say Malay no need to learn in language school -.-" okayyy... Thai it is then. After my camp this week then I go and find :)

Sigh. $$ is the root of all problems. If only uni fees are not so ex, then scholarship wouldn't be a factor which affects the decision of studying here T.T come on, email please come so that me you everyone can be happy. Haha.

Tata~~ need my sleep for some boost for pee-ii week "getaway". haha!

Yea! Never update for such a long time..

I'm glad that God has provided the people around me with what they desire. Thank you Lord..

I've been busy with camp again, and soon I'll be chao ta. T.T I shall be mentally prepared for the stress and fatigue-ness which i'm going to withstand. For the kids, for myself, for God. :)

It's been about 1.5 weeks since then, another 1 week to go!! Yippee!!! Finally~~~~ (fergie song). Haha!

Recently, I've been addicted to online shopping/shopping. Just bought 2 pieces from some shop :( but I'm glad to say that I'VE RESISTED THE TEMPTATION TO GET ANOTHER 2. I should stop. I must save! My saving plans. Transportation fees are killing me and I should STOP SPENDING AND START SAVING FOR WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT rather than clothes >< I keep giving excuses that I'm buying clothes for uni, but do I have so many bodies to wear those clothes. -.- someone knock some sense to me. I should stop, STOP buying. I just bought 1 top from H&M -.-" sian.. STOP YOUR ITCHY FINGERS CHARLENE! stop clicking or nets-ing or cashing or whatever. Stop stop stop.

I should do more camps so that I can earn more money hoho. But camps make me very tired. :( AND CAUSES ME TO LOSE MY APPETITE. yes, my appetite. During my admin work, I used to eat like breakfast, 2-3 servings of lunch, dinner and supper and still feel hungry. NOW, because of camps, I eat EXTREMELY LITTLE. 2/5 lunch?! 1/5 dinner?? Or just no dinner. What's wrong with my stomach. Hello stomach, you need food. Eat okay?

Okay. I've decided which camps I want to attend for NUS. Arts, Geog and orientation camps. Yay! But so $$ D: I'm excited though. Wonder if it's any different from the normal camps I've always done, other than having loads of games. I need to learn how to bid for my modules!! I already kinda plan what modules/subjects I want. Yay!!

Geography (I wanna major in this! Yes!)
Sociology
SEA Studies***(more incline to)/Japan Studies
History(more incline to)/English Language

Sounds good? I think it sounds very horrible. Sounds like I've to memories like siao. Sounds like I've got to read and mug again :( I really don't know if I should take history. History is fine but with the combination of subjects I'm taking, it'll be very heavy for me. English is lighter with less readings BUT I hate English -.-" sigh. How?

I went for the FASS open house and Evan and I are VERY interested in the joint degree program with the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. But, the chances of me getting it is like..... 0.000000000001%. only top students can get in. If I study hard, there'll be people smarter and will study harder than me. If they take A level results (like As and Bs only or whatever) as a pre-requisite, I can kiss good bye to this. :( plus, you need a minimum CAP of 4.0 -.- that's like, full marks I think. So hard!!! And it'll be expensive despite the fact that we pay NUS school fees. Accommodation, travel, blablabla. They estimated about $14k or like max $20k D; should work hard and start forget about it. Sian!

Maybe I should just aim for the internship at some other uni elsewhere and stuff. Lesser time period and spend lesser. :)

Okay okay all these, another time. I shall do my best first and see.

Next up, I've been catching up with lots of friends! love such holidays which gives me time to meet up with friends and talk non stop. Can't wait to go for choir and dance concert too!!! EXCITING!!!!!

Oh oh. Should I join geography society, voice or resonance? Joining either geog soc or voice would be a dream come true! But I have stage fright especially when I'm alone, resonance will be better. BUT! but but but, geog soc is like, an even long term DREAM COME TRUE TO ME!!!!! the thought of being part of the Geography Challenge for Secondary Schools excites me soooooooooo much. I want to contribute! Then can set all the funny funny questions for round 1+2 and do the trail thingy and explore Singapore for round 3. Hehehhhehehehehe. Sounds so fun. Maybe only to me. Haha!

Anyway people,
I can't wait for the 25th may!!!!!! And JULY!!!!
Muahahaha.

Yes, today.

Anyway, something that I just thought about regarding my future.
Since I've achieved what I want since secondary school, now it's time to think, what should I do further.

Although I always reply: I just want to work in this place, that place. Something to do with the environment/geography.

But really, what do I really want to do in the future? An environmentalist? A teacher? A geographer? A park ranger? An office lady? In Singapore? Overseas?

Something I really need to think about.

In a flash, that day's gonna come.
Keeping myself occupied is one thing, having to handle what's present right in front of me is another.
Am i able to jump over this obstacle successfully?
We'll see about that.

I must be strong!
I must get used to it.
Yes I can!

If you don't appreciate what I have or what I can do, then don't give me negative comments.
When those are the things that kept me going and bring the confidence in me.
If you keep despising what I can do in the past, present and future, then please don't demoralize me by saying "bullsh*t" and what not.

It's not funny.
It has been ongoing for the past 11 years.

All I want is an affirmation/nod from you.
Not those.
What more can I ask. :(

Sorry.

I'm talkative.

100%
HAHA!

It's good and it's bad.
Sian!

And yes!
God provided :)

FINALLYYYYY YAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
the letter the letter the letter!!!!
I'm wanted!!!!!!!!!!!
I shall wait for nus fass now.
I'm getting really nervous. I want nus fass!

I love my family, I love my friends, whoever they are.
I love everyone around me, whether they're close to me or not: acquaintances, teachers, etc.

I am learning how to love and treasure everyone equally!

Life is short, people are leaving one by one (death or country).

Sorry for this random post!
Had a sudden urge to thank and tell all of you how much I love everyone!!!!! :)
Random much. Hee.

~ I'd like to teach the world to sing,
In perfect harmony!

I feel like giving up.
whatever i've been hoping for and trying hard for.

in addition to all the other problems that i unknowingly face..

maybe.

Teleport machines exists.

Back to reality.

Do I have a place to go?

I made changes to my nus course choices!
I'm including environmental studies!
IM SO HAPPY! because you just need to go for an interview if you don't meet the pre-requisites (take H2 science!)
Wheeee~~~
but I still want geography :) or sociology or social work. Hehehe.

Lalalalalalala sing a happy song.

I don't know why I'm so happy. Hehe
Sunday Sunday Sunday 1240pm! Flying on clouds~~~~

Okay I'm crazy haha!

So I went to NUS open house today and I can say I LOVE NUS AND WANT WISH NEED TO GET IN.
The school's environment is really good, unlike smu which seems a bit too ATAS for me.
Ntu too far and ulu, but I don't mind getting in :)
But I still want my fass. Hehe.

These few days I've been heading to church everyday as if it's my home! Meetings meetings meetings, but all's done and ready i guess! Can't wait for mission trip. Mixture of uncertainty and excited-ness in me. Heh. Uncertainty cause I know random things may crop up during the trip and we have to react fast; last to know, and be the first to serve. So I'll do my best :) excited cause it's my first mission trip and I can't wait to meet the people!!!

Talking about meeting people, and regarding my previous post, YES! I want to change people's lives.
I really do.
I told people I want to work in the prison to change their lives. A bit hard ah! Hahaha!
I just want to make an impact in people's life so that they'll change for the better or something. And I'm really looking forward to that. :))

Make an impact,
Change people's life for the better.

That shall be my motto for the time being :)

I want to be like Grandma Landdawan.
I want to change people's life.
I want to contribute to society.

okay. i'm much better already (:
so to those who're worried, don't worry (: haha!

i guess i just have to accept whatever i have. In life, everything's unfair, it's just that way.
God gave me these results for a reason, and i guess i'll have to find out through the next part of my journey, through university.
I should be contented with whatever i have.
Results don't mean everything. Okay it does, but they're just bonuses in life which we human beings in this modern world wish to achieve and add onto our achievement lists.
But, are we able to bring it to heaven in the future? hmmm, the answer is, no.
The results i have, ain't that great, ain't that bad. At least i'm still able to enter what i want, maybe just in a different university, it depends.
i'm just leaving everything to God right now, since He already has a plan for me.

I admit, i was extremely upset when i received my results (you can tell from the previous posts).
someone even told me that he'd never seen me that upset before.
this reminds me of my primary school PSLE period, when i got quite low for PSLE and couldn't enter whichever school i was hoping i could get in.
BUT, everything was a blessing in disguise. I entered Queenstown, did well, made many wonderful friends, had many achievements. In fact, I had the most memories there, right there at a school which i didn't even know existed, to a school which i love, very much.

anyways, back to the topic, my future.
YEAP! i know what i want, i know what're my choices, i know which university i wish to apply for.
I'm glad that i'm still able to get into any of these universities, with the possibility of not getting in some. HAHAHA! but it's alright, as long as i get the course i want, i'm fine with anything, really.

so here it goes:

NUS
1st Choice - Faculty of Arts & Social Science (Bachelor of Arts) [PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE]
--> Geography
--> Sociology
--> Psychology
--> Social Work
(the 4 courses above, according to preference, will be determined after year 1)
2nd Choice - Design & Environment (Project & Facilities Management)

SMU
1st Choice - Arts & Social Science
--> Sociology
--> Psychology

NTU
1st Choice - Arts & Social Science
--> Sociology
--> Psychology
(according to preference)
2nd Choice - Arts (education) - NIE
3rd Choice - Sports Science and Management -NIE

okay, i'm openly telling everyone my choices -.- haha!
anyway, yea i'll put NIE as one of my choices. and yes, teaching.
a lot of people says that i have the teacher - feel. O.O or the nursing - feel.
i love people (: hee.
i can't do nursing due to subject requirements, so nah can't do it.
but the problem is, since i became a instructor, dealing with students, it's rather tough. i'm fine with it, but since i find it tough for a few days, what about years o.o i think i'll just die. HAHA!

HOPEFULLY i'll get into FASS. hope hope hope. because geography is still my favourite. but sociology is nice too. ahh alright, i'll see where God puts me.

now, here's an update on life!
i just kinda stopped with what i'm doing (my job), temporarily.
i guess i need rest, to hang out with friends sometimes.
and yea i'm awaiting for SJCK carnival, church camp, mission trip. i need to be ready, so i'll be kept busy.
so these few days i've been going out, with friends, with loved ones, with whoever i went out with. haha!
had a nice + delicious breakfast with Q, had a nice shopping session with S and H and T, sleepover with S and T, great time with L, lunch with M, dinner with N, open house with H, mission meeting with peeps, blablablabla. HAHA! the list goes on. :D

my random march list starting from tomorrow!
9 - Breakfast with Q; afternoon PLAYNATION with S, Q, H; prayer meeting
10 - SKCJ carnival + NTU open house
11- church! + mission meeting? o.o
12-14 - JYM adventure camp
15 -rehearsal
17 - mission + comm meeting
19-27 - mission trip
29 - rehearsal
31 - rehearsal
3 - rehearsal
7 - rehearsal

okay! all planned out (: hee.
anyways, i shall get going to eat my WENDYS (: and write my testimony.

p.s. i feel like learning dance o.o HAHA! weird.

tatas~~

The happy-go-lucky girl who always put on a smile on her face?
Or..
The emo girl who weeps and worry?

The happy mask she puts on to assure everyone that she's alright in order to prevent herself from crying.

Hard work pays off? It doesn't.

God, where is she? Who am I?

2 days before the release of results, and this has to happen.

Although I don't really know him extremely well, he was someone I know, who was (most of the time), alone in school.

Appreciate, people.
Let's do it, right now.
Don't bear grudges.
Forgive and forget.

It's hard to do so, yes it is; but try.
Think of the "IF".

Rest in Peace.

Yea, the day which everyone's expecting and awaiting for.

FRIDAY. 2 March 2012.

It's either up, or down. I don't know. I really don't know.
I'm really worried, but I know worrying isn't of much use.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge Him, and He'll make your path straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

Talked to Aunty Angie Teo just now, she told me not to worry, everything's in God's hands. Accept whatever He has given me, because He has already planned out a route for me to venture in the future.

True that, deep inside, I felt touched, I felt assurance. I really thank God for being here for me wherever I am, whoever I am, however I am, whatever I am. For bringing me through the storms, breaking those walls so that I can overcome it because He will not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear. Thank you Lord.

But.

But! Being Human beings, how to conquer that sense of fear? If I get great results, Praise the Lord. Isn't that what people always do? If I get horrible results (*touchwood), am I able to thank Him properly? To thank Him deep down inside my heart? I think that I'll be too dishearten to do so.

I've studied hard, I've mugged hard, I tried studying smart but (a bit fail), I toiled hours after hours daily to complete revision, I did multiple papers for exposure of questions, I consulted teachers and friends, I burnt midnight oil, I lost my temper due to stress many times, I envy others who have smart genes/able to go to Starbucks and just have a drink instead of mugging like us. I doubt I did any last minute work. I was rather consistent (maybe not, I don't know) compared to the past.

People tell me not to worry because they believe I'll do well, but how sure can one be?

Expect the Unexpected.

I know it's quite impossible for me to score straight A's excluding my Chinese. So far my results I've gotten back:

Project Work A
Chinese B

Actually I'm still quite disappointed with myself for Chinese, I could've done better if I've put in more effort. But I did, ahhh i don't know. See what I mean. Maybe I just didn't put in as much effort as others.

I was targeting for these grades:

H1
General Paper B
Chemistry B

H2
Mathematics B
Geography A
Economics A

What is my "potential" - anyhow gauge one (considering what I achieved before)

H1
General Paper D :(
Chemistry B

H2
Mathematics B/C
Geography A
Economics A

But after going through all the papers, (I can't remember for geography, general paper and economics) I target these (realistic goals HOPEFULLY)

H1
General Paper B
Chemistry A

H2
Mathematics B
Geography A
Economics A

I know everyone's hoping that they'll go up on stage. I REALLY WANT TO, DYING TO. but! The criteria is 3 H2 As. If my math gets B, i can't. Since everyone said it was difficult, moderation MAY help, BUT! stupid me, apart from all the difficult questions (which are almost all), those do-able ones, I made careless mistakes, causing the whole 7 or 12 marks to FLAP AWAY. *knocks my head* how stupid and careless can I get. :( how to get A now? :( sigh. *sniffs*

Actually the goals I've made for myself are rather unrealistic. For O levels, I gauged for myself the best I could get, I got exactly what I thought I will get. Now, maybe the same too. HOPEFULLY BETTER. But I'm not greedy. If I get those grades stated above AAABB, I would be satisfied. Including my PW and Chinese, it would be AAAABB, sufficient to get into NUS FASS.

I really hope my math can get A!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!! hope paper 2 helped me pull up paper 1!!! If my math get A, I would be flying up on stage with 5As if possible!!!!!! *cries*

I purposely signed up camps from 27 February - 29 February and 29 February - 2 March so that I would be too busy to think about anything, and to sleep properly and deeply and to be healthy when I receive my results. Smart move :)

Anyway! What I've just stated above isn't to offend anyone/boast/whatever self-pity (insert adjective). it's just my own targets, goals and expectations. And I really really really really am dying to get those. PLEASE.

I pray, Lord.

--------------------------------------------------------
I fell sick again -.- fever flu cough.
What's wrong with my immune system!

Anyway, I'm GOING FOR MISSION TRIP TO BANCHANG! excited both spiritually emotionally physically hahaha! :D

God is Able.
When I listen to this song, I feel uplifted and happy. :)
I'm assured of God's love for me :)

This is really bad.

I'm falling/fell sick again.
Why do I always fall sick :(
Before the new year (1 week), after new year (another week), and now, (4days and counting). :( CNY!!!!! AHHH!!! fever cough flu go away :( give me my voice back too. I'm really busy the next week too and I need my health back!!!

Please pray for me, whoever who reads this. :( thank you.

------------------------------------------------
12:05am
Spent the first moment of cny alone :(

------------------------------------------------
10:45am
On a brighter side, I did a lot of last minute shopping at Chinatown yesterday! Met up with Queenie!! I did manicure (BRIGHT ORANGE-yellow) to suit the festive season, with the same colour for my iPhone cover which was so handy. There's this card holder behind, so I don't have to bring wallet next time :O bought my camp SOP item - whistle!!! Bought a hair tie to bun my hair and a pair of earrings cause it was on sale. Haha! I also bought a bottle of shampoo for camp, toothpaste and prickly heat powder. Random! Hahaha!! I feel so hyped up for camps once again!

If I go for visitation later, I wonder what're the common questions their gonna ask! Yesterday my godaunt asked if I'm in second year poly. -.- haha!!!! How cool is it to respond - I've graduated from A levels and am working as a camp instructor!!! Wheee!!! Maybe some will ask why am I so tan now. D:

this cny is definitely much more interesting and different. :)

I'm becoming darker and darker every week! :O

Despite having only 5 members in the group present for the distribution of cny goodies and cell outing, it was a huge success.

We started out with the distribution. Everyone were quite supportive! Plus the 2 other aunties who helped us, they were very enthu too! We did it quite quickly, then headed to cold rock for ice cream! Since it was only 4pm when we ate finish and did what we can in cold rock, they suggested going to someone's house to play and sit around. Obviously I wouldn't wish they come to my house cause it's boring and has nothing to do. But oh well who ask me to stay so near to church, they wanted to come. Haha! So we went to video ezy to rent a DVD, then up we go to the 21st storey. Some were amazed by the masterbed room -.- plus they were quite shock when they knew how our family sleeps -.-" okay fullstop. Soooooo we watched spirited away in my dusty living room. Then my mum treated everyone to pizza! Wheee. But it wasn't enough. So I cooked for the guys Maggie mee, for queen scrambled eggs (quite tasteless :() and for me, my favorite CURRY CHICKEN CUP NOODLES. hee. So we just eat and eat then time to go! I think the highlight of the day was the cooking. So impromptu, haha!

Okay that's for the day. Had a great dg lunch at noodle house too! :) tata! Having camp from Monday to saturday next week! Plus another reunion dinner in the middle of the week! Don't miss me! :)

It feels like as if time is passing really quickly.
& this is scary :(
I still want to do more camps, be more involved in church stuff, volunteer and help more people, catch up with friends, etc. I don't want university to start :( ohhh well.

It's quite scary to think that in 2 years time I'll be independent, in 3 years time I'll graduate from the university and get a full time job. I don't feel that I'm ready for all these. Adulthood is simply freaky.

If only I don't care about money, just happiness will do. But if I don't earn enough money in the future, how am I going to live comfortably, provide for others, provide a good life for my parents? :( so many things to think about. If only...

I'm starting to become more mature. This is good and bad, I think more, and I understand more. Now I realize why the elderly like to say that they're more experienced, and we should listen to them.

Today, I went back to AC for open house. Super proud of the choir :) they've really grown a lot. What made it more memorable is that my juniors came by to see the open house! And they're really interested to get in AC plus choir :) hoho! So so so happy to have more Quest people in here! The other happy thing is that THEY STILL RECOGNISE ME EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE THE TOOT LOOK ANYMORE! wheeee! They called me for awhile, I stared at them cause I couldn't recognize them for a moment, then *ting*! I got it. Their names :) haha! Yay! Being the talkative me, I talked and talked and talked. I just couldn't stop. But many people left already so I got to ask them to go home :( so sad! Can't wait to see them in AC :) hee.

I feel so fulfilled, complete and blessed that I can't seem to fall asleep!

I just looked through AC's prom pictures.
Familiar faces, but most, acquaintances.
I guess AC did impact my life by quite abit? With the culture shock, sudden change of depth in what we have to learn, OGL, orientation, choir, leadership, AA3, prelims, A levels, etc.. Everything that I've been through in these 2 years, they're worth it.

I guess what I've gained most are my group of friends whom I rely on and opportunities in choir. My whole clique didnt go for prom. 2 of us were at HK (class only 3 went), 3 at Taiwan, 1 at china (I think). We are not really the party go-ers, but I have a tinge of regret for not going for prom. I really don't mind not going for prom, but seeing this batch of choir singing the school anthem for the very last time hit me.

Initially, I didn't expect anything great from AC as I have the mentality that I belong to the "not-very-popular" kids because those popular ones are usually the pretty, loud, (insert adjective) ones. But What I gained from Queenstown actually helped me a lot in my journey here. First, it was choir. Thankfully shanice pulled me along to join choir in sec 1, I had an extra advantage of having choir background and training my voice for 4 years to be able to get a space in AC choir. Not that AC choir is elitist -.-" it's just that we want to maintain a standard so that we can be accountable to our alumni and of course use all these to glorify God. Choir actually opened up opportunities for us to share music through international (Grand prix @ Russia) and national competition (SYF'11), caroling, school performances, CIP, etc.. All these experience are priceless. Plus the fact that my altos and teachers believed in me, that role really turned me 180 degrees. Those laughter, those tears, those thrashing out, those journeys, God placed them in my life for me to learn. And I'm really thankful.

Next, we come to me myself and I. Being rather independent from qtss, I took "a step of faith" and signed up for GP trip myself. so saddening. Haha! At first i was alone! Then I pulled ruie along. Got to know even more acquaintances of course. Similarly, I took a huge step out of my comfort zone and signed up for OGL with Evan and Gwen. Fun, enjoyable, crazy, you name it. Trixie and Atzo made it even more better. My og kids (trixie) were so lovable. Now it's their turn. Choir too cHanged me. Although I'm still a novice in public speaking, I opened up more to people and learnt to talk better to authority. I've learnt to be responsible in my learning and to rely on God whenever I'm afraid of speaking to the choir. I've also learnt to put others before self, which then leads me to being appointed as some roles in church. (shall not continue about church if not this will never end).

Being the rather quiet me, I find that AC changed me into a "more extrovert-ed" person. I admit that I'm "loud" but not-so when I'm with my close friends cause of my laughter, but in front of acquaintances/strangers, I keep everything to myself. It's rather strange. I just want to be me. I haven't found my true identity, whether or not I'm an extrovert or an introvert, but I know God is changing me to be the person He wants me to be. I'm awaiting for more life-changing experiences (like being a camp trainer) and slowly shaping my character to be a more well-prepared and mature person, ready for my future.

Lastly, are my friends. My really close friends to acquaintances. Everyone contributed in my life. They come and go. But definitely, the few honored ones I want to mention, are Hui San, Queen, Ruie, and Evan (in no particular order). Without them, I wouldn't have survived in AC. Being a neighbourhood school kid (I've no problem with that, in fact I LOVE being one), AC was really elite to me. The fear when I first stepped into AC was horrendous. Everyone looked like monsters to me. but these were the friends who helped me walk through my 2 years, never left me alone wandering in the dark, but instead journeyed through together and had our ups and downs. Definitely, these are inevitable. Really, THANK YOU! (if they're even seeing this!) I really treasure our friendships!!!! :D

Many little memories are etched in my heart. If I didn't mention you (those in AC), don't fret. I'll remember you. Anyway only a few know of this existence. I'm sure some will forget me as we grow older, but those who remember/recognize/find me familiar, thanks. :) I love each and everyone of you.

I just want to say, I love these memories :) I still don't really find it my second home, but the people + events made it happen. :)

Okay this is really random.

Am so happy that I bought my camping stuff!!! It was a brand new experience for me at army market at golden mile. Didn't expect myself to haggle?! Were showing off my buys at shay's house to her and her parents. Haha!!

Soooo!!! I bought a huge camping bag, BOOTIE for water activities, a daypack and AN ARMY WATER BOTTLE. super cute! And things are really cheap compared to those "ATAS" camp/outdoor branded shops. Hoho good buys. I looked like an Aunty carrying the red plastic bag to JP and town -.- haha!

Anyways, I think camp changed me a lot. I became more "Aunty-ish". This is really bad news for me. Plus I became more talkative! All these adapted from Shay. I talked non-stop now. Alamak! I think I do! Realize the frequency and rate I'm blogging. So many things to share! Maybe she should change talkative to being a more sharing person. I meant, a person who shares. HAHA! make it sound nicer.

For me, I thought that camp really taught me to be more myself? In a way I wouldn't care about what others think of me, and just do things and behave normally in front of my kids. The past phobia of being afraid of others opinion and heights are starting to fade away. For example, during + after camp my hair is really messy cause of helmet and whatnot (lazy use hair clip). When I'm taking a bus home, I can't be bothered about how messy my hair is or what I was wearing (slipper and fbt). Huge improvement! Whoosh!

Okay I think I should sleep and prepare for a long day later.

This sounds serious, I know.
I realize that everyone has been taking their future really seriously. I am, but I don't seem to be taking any actions. I've been invited to open house, talks and whatnot, but why am I so lazy and hard-headed as to only aim for one course, which is NUS FASS geography? What if I can't get in? What am I going to do? Hmmmm. This got me thinking.

My next goal in life, is to get in there. It has been my goal since I was in secondary 1, and I made it permanent/compulsory in secondary 3 that I MUST MUST MUST get in. It's really hard, I would say. Although vacancy is really huge compared to other courses, afterall it's still 400 out of the number of a level students which I presume to be about ~10k? Plus overseas students. Wow. It's really really really, extremely hard.

Many things are running through my head, but all I can think of is FASS Geog. Aiyo! This is so bad. If I can't get into it, how? What am I going to do. D:

In addition, if I get into FASS, I'm unable to just focus on geography because there's this 1 year of university life where I have to take a few other subjects to "tryout" before confirming what I'm majoring in. What to take? Sociology sounds interesting, but do I even know what's it all about? Social work sounds appealing, but how's that gonna help me in geography? I don't mind being a social worker all my life, but am I able to control my emotions and separate work and personal life?

So many things to think about. I feel like I'm growing up really quickly. When I was younger, decisions were made based on what my parents have planned for me. Now, everything's in my own hands. This responsibility is huge.

Back to topic. why so complicated. Why can't I just get into geography and stick to it all my life. I'm afraid that I'll get sick and tired of geography because A level geography is really ~~ you'll understand if you experienced it. But I'm still stubborn D; the geography challenge in sec 3 added more plus points to NUS geography. I want to organize that event and be part of the team. I want it, DESPERATELY.

Okay I should stop ranting about geography and start to consider other courses seriously, and be more realistic. Seriously, how well can I do for A levels. I improved over the past 2 years, but these grades are nowhere near admission criteria to NUS -.- ahhh. Sososo bad.

Actually, I know of another course which I'm REALLY INTERESTED IN - environment studies. BUT! why do they need 2 H2 sciences?! Why didn't they show the criteria in 2010 when I just entered JC D: (maybe they did just that I wasn't aware of it) now I got to give up that dream. Actually, they still have interview for it if we don't make it for the criteria (2 H2 sciences), but, what's the % of me being able to get in and start studying science all over again (o really dislike science) and have an extreme disadvantage amongst my peers. D: I. just. have. to. give. up. this. course. and. I'm. sad. *cries* geography, please take me in. I'll be faithful to you. D:

Okay I'm still ranting. This is getting boring. GEOGRAPHY! YOU BETTER BE ATTAINABLE! Okay you are, but it all depends on "that day the march." in the meantime, let me be more kiasu about my future and start researching on open house and more life paths to take. Plus plus (++)! Pray about new cell and enjoy camps. :) my new chao ta life.

*psst* maybe I should find another flexible job so that it can fill my non-camp days. Otherwise I would be sleeping till late afternoons like a pig! Shall get my brain to start working soon! As what mr hall and Mdm said, "if you don't do math/homework everyday, your brain cells will die." I think they're dying already! I'm afraid I'll stare blankly when university starts.

*psst psst* The word "UNIVERSITY" scares me.

I realize I haven't say/speak to anyone about the year ahead.
I guess I'm not very prepared for this year, but I'm living by each day as it pass.
The first week of 2012 has been really fruitful! I recovered before the year started, yay!!!!
And what makes the week very fruitful is camp :) I got to know really a lot of people. And all sorts of people. They're really a fun bunch, always very enthu, but some always bully me D:
I'm getting to know even more people as more camps come my way, but I'll never forget anyone of them! Although I can't remember most of their names, I remember their faces! It's going to be a lil scary, especially when I go out. Imagine seeing your own kids while you go shopping! And if I don't recognize them, GG! hahaha!

Going out for a shopping trip after camp is bliss for me! Especially after wearing days of the same shirt. Liberation! Haha.

I'm going for my next camp on Monday and Tuesday! Lucky no need to stayover! Just belaying! I guess this is good for me too! Although I'll be under the sun and chao-taing myself, everything's worth it! Fun fun fun!

I've finally realize my dream ever since long ago. Now I should have a new dream in my list. This decision that I'm going to make concerns my life! I guess it's gonna have to be my next long-term job after I get out of university! Although being a camp trainer allows me to be one forever, I doubt this is going to be my future job :) I aspire to help even more people with what I have, and make an impact in their lives, whoever I meet ;)

Innocute so cute! Heh. Although they're not gonna see this post, I'm still gonna exclaim THEY ARE SO CUTE! hahaha. Tiring, but worth it :) my first batch of sec 1s. Hee.

Yea! Tmr's my first! Good luck to me!

I'm depress.
Because of it, I can't attend yesterday's primary school gathering.
Because of it, I can't go for retreat.
If this goes on, I won't be able to go for cell pulau ubin trip, camp training and secondary school clique outing :(

Ahhh why am I so weak :(((

So basically, I spent my Christmas sleeping. D: slept from 1-7pm and 11-9am. I would've join sha and Shay in the afternoon and night respectively if I didn't fell ill :( sadddd.

I still feel tired. Roarrrr. How to go for primary school gathering like that. D: sian!

Shark! You better recover soon if not no start of a beautiful new year for you!

---------------------
Ahhhhhhhhhh

Hohoho tanjong piai here I come!!!! :)

hoho. gonna pull mum over to st james church. asked her to attend christmas service over here instead of her side. but i guess she should come next year! whatever the case, yipee!

for the next one month or so, i got to learn to be really patient. PATIENT CHARLENE PATIENT. it's just 1 month. -.- i can do it! yay.

just had a haircut. not much difference. fringe and hair length shorter. but still no big difference. thinking of cutting it short again O.O should i? :O :O :O :O

am gonna go out later! then tomorrow off to camp for 3 days. some random malaysia island. water activities! yay! hope everythings' fine. just realise my secondary school senior would be going to! double yay! haha. am quite worried about minor stuff now, like what if i'm not enthu enough, what if i'm not resistent to insects (AHHHH), what if i'm just not good enough as a camp trainer. hmmmm.. should stop having these thoughts, not gonna make me better anyway. hee.

end of year has been really really hectic for me. haven't stayed at home all day since A level ended. after the 3d2n camp, gonna head to caroling immediately after stepping onto singapore soil. that's on the 23rd. 24th, will be disaster day for me. am gonna go for last min shopping for christmas presents. GOSH! i haven't even started on anything. GG. considering the fact that i have to think of ideas, make them, don't have to sleep already D: 24th night, church service! i guess i'm going to sing for the choir? i have no idea.

25th! CHRISTMAS DAY! yay! church day. hopefully i'm able to rush everything and go for church service! usher. yay! santarina hat. hee. can't wait to usher again! have been ushering for 3 consecutive weeks. loving it! hoho.

26th, i can't rmb what i have. 27th, it's playnation day. gonna go out with jc clique and play and watch show and eat! yay! 28th, can't rmb. 29th, pulau ubin with sparrow! hee. 30th, camp training :D 31st, SHOULD BE sc sch clique outing till overnight new year! WHEEEE. okay this is so eggciting. :D

busy busy busy. i love being busy. gonna start work next year too. can't wait to see the little kids. heehee. hope they won't bully me -.- hahhaha.

how's everyone's holiday? has it been great? (:

Mum just went for a Christmas service. She's so cute! She told the ppl she's a free thinker and didn't understand anything about Christianity and she needs time. She's too truthful. Hope God works in her! :) she's going to attend a church service this Sunday too! Wow. WOW!!!! reminds me of third day morning camp sermon. :)

I've got more to share :) stay tuned :)

Camp was great! Message was great, made new friends and communicated with more JYMers. Responsibility was huge, but it helped me learn.

Actually, before camp started, I was really worried about how to handle devotions. As in, I really don't know how to share the gospel, how to talk about God to other people, etc. I've never led (dont know what word to use) for devotions. So I panicked like mad the day before. Second day devotions was quite nerve wrecking for me. I didn't know what to say, most of the talking were done by Joshua and Joanne. And I just sat there and listen. Learnt alot, but I felt so guilty for not speaking at that point of time. So, that night, Joanne talked to me and she taught me alot of stuff! grateful! Eventually, the third morning, everything went on smoothly! I decided that we should have one to one devotion, and I guess I was able to handle that more efficiently than sharing to a large group. God really provided me with everything I need.

I really want to thank God for the opportunities He'd given me. And the fact that I only fell sick after all my responsibilities were over, praise the Lord! :)

Extremely! Don't know why. Probably due to the lack of sleep last night and the uncomfortable plane seats. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow!

Hong kong was okay. Quite fun due to company, but VERY TIRING! walk and walk, train everyday, eat and eat and eat and shop. Waaaa didn't know what I usually do in Singapore isn't the same in Hong Kong. Thankfully I'm back! On my nice comfy bed. Heehee.

Another tick on my list, now I'm excited for CHURCH CAMP! Monday-thursday. I think I'll be shag like mad. Haha! Shall treat this as training for my job-to-be. Conquer!!!!! Whoo!!

And of course, another tick off my list, I LEARNT HOW TO PLAY THE GUITAR IN HK! actually only ABCDEFG la. But huge achievement for me already to learn it in half an hr. Huhu! Still have problems with pressing the string towards the board thing-y. :/ shall practice more! Wheee.

Okay I'm tired. Back to tv!

I'm gonna die of lung cancer. HAHA!
car exhaust and smokers.

Gosh.

*yawns* so sleepy!

Why ain't I excited for hong kong!!! someone slap me please! I need to be awake!!!! and excited!!!!

Yeap. The job title. I'm one already!!! Whoo. Super excited.
Am heading off to Malaysia for a 3d2n trainers' camp at the end of the month! Whoohoo!!!! Spell FUN! :D

plus, with friends, even fun-er! Yay. One tick off my dreamlist :B

Big spring cleaning after 2 years of JC life. super dusty. Gosh! (because I didn't pack at all since day one of JC life. Lazy me.)

Not many things to throw away unlike previous years, and much much more to recycle + giveaway.

Looking at the stacks of paper, I can't believe I read so much O.O in just 2 years.

And of course, I'm pretty upset. Isn't MOE educating us to save the earth. Then what's with all these stacks of notes and whatnot in just 2 years of jc life? I bet everyone has like a tall human height of notes, imagine the whole Singapore. No wonder our climate is getting really strange these years. GLOBAL WARMING!!!!!!!

Now I've to figure a way out to transport all these papers to the recycling bin + pass everything down to my friend and tutor.

I can't bear to throw all my math and Chem stuff :((( I'm sad!!

Shall not slack off and continue packing!!!!

Omg!!! The ferocious and sharp edges of the binder books hurt me :( grrr.

Good night people!

Freedom's here neh neh neh neh
I'm a happy kid.
:D

Glancing through this year's qtss batch prom relieves old memories of prom.

And yeap, I'm not going for prom this year.

Regret a LIL' bit, but I guess hong kong will "relief" the regret.

I'm quite excited, not because of the fact that A levels is going to put a big fat fullstop in my life in about 15 hours, but because I'm going to seek for a job I've been dreaming of for years.

What is it? Will only reveal when I pass the interview and get it. If not nah not gonna say anything.

Argh. Why am I so stupid!!!!!

Congratulations to all those who have officially finished A level!!!

Now's my turn to rock the Chem yoyoyo!

I enjoy spending my weekends in church all day. :)

+ woman.

Okay I broke my record.
Other than sleeping and not leaving my bed for hours, I sat on this poor wooden chair in sb and never stood up anymore for the past 9 hours. Not even to pee. HAHA! It must be yelping for help and burning now. :O

Felt super restless just now and went bonkers. Glad I'm fine now and found my feet!

Back to work!

-----------------
Super shag :( record breaker! Who camps at sb for 14 hours!! Hahahha!!! Siao siao.

By myself.
Alone!

I love little moments like this :)
Productive, reflective, -ive.

But of course, I love being with my friends too! :)

Awake my soul, and sing,
Your will be done, in me.

sigh.
me and my nonsense

really hate this side of me since secondary school.

This isn't right.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR ECONS ESSAY TO BE OVER D: for now.
Sooooo scary!!!!!! And cold. HAHA!
Must get ready to break my hands this wk. Essay ftw! -.-

Come on, please let time pass faster. Gogoggogogogo!

All the best everyone!

Listening to soleram brings back memories of ACJC choir.

I miss choir :(
Despite grueling hours of practice, everything's worth it when we put in everything we've got and sing our best. <3

I need to overcome this fear of being judged.

CONFIDENCE CHARLENE!

You are faithful; Your joy is my strength.

Love today morning! Yay!

3 miracles happened today, thanks to God :)

Number 1.
I have a problem with my stomach. It loves to growl, whether I'm hungry, not hungry, sleeping, laying down, now! When i just ate supper -.-, etc) it's weird. Especially at home and during exams. -.- so as usual, my stomach growled during exam (geography) again. I promise, growling in an extremely silent room is EMBARRASSING. especially when the people around you are not your friends. So for the first hour during the paper, everything was peaceful. THEN! The second hour. The most thundering, highest intensity and volume and frequency cyclone occurred in my stomach. Seriously, it growled like nobody's business -.- I wasn't even hungry -.- and I ate a bit before the paper! I was trying to prevent it from growling which I have no idea how -.- so. Here comes why glory to God :) I couldn't take the embarrassment anymore. So I stopped and guess what. I prayed :) then I continued the paper. MY STOMACH DIDN'T GROWL ANYMORE FOR THE NEXT HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!! TOTALLY!!!!! it started growling again after lunch when I got home and rest on my bed. Thank you sooooooooo much Lord. :D

Number 2.
I'll usually pray before the commencement of every paper for God's wisdom, guidance, knowledge, calmness, courage, (whatever adjective you can insert), sufficient time and definitely, to trust Him that He'll take over from that point onwards as I've done whatever I could.
So, the problem with me is, for a level geography, my case studies knowledge - quite crappy. No matter how much and how many times I memorize, it just doesn't sink into my saturated brain. I was SOOO PANICKY AND WAS IN GREAT FEAR, hoping that case studies won't come out (which most probably will because since when geography papers don't have the famous phrase: "with reference to specific example/s" familiar? Haha! Yeap. So I went in, gave everything to God. Guess what now. Majority of the case studies, or if not none! requires case studies! Because the data itself is the case study. PHEW!!!! (okay I spotted a few mistakes already but oh well.) then dang dang dang dang, essays. CONFIRM NEED EXAMPLES. I looked at litho, 没有！！maybe the other qns have la but it's EITHER or OR! so can choose! Yay!!!! Then another essay on litho, one choice had 1 qns on case study and the other didn't! So being quite anxious I didn't touch the case study question cause of all the earthquakes I could only remember Kobe earthquake 1995 at that time -.- horrible memory. Yea so i did the other. Although this essay a bit screwed cause I crapped my way, at least I wrote la hor. Haha!!! (so Singlish) so the impossible became possible!!!! Yay!!!! Thank you God for this. Totally!!!!

Number 3.
Something worth rejoicing to the maximum. My mum's friend invited her to a Christmas gathering/event either at some church or somewhere. And my mum AGREED! YES! did you see that? It's a POSITIVE REPLY! "SHE AGREED!!!!!!" yay!!!! One step closer. Plus her friend says that if they have any oversea trips with this group they'll bring her along!!! EVEN MORE EXCITING! It's definitely one huge step closer. My mum, a free thinker has very strong beliefs in herself. She has her own opinions, and when she says something, she'll do it. So it's quite hard to shake this massive highly unjointed rock over here. Yeap! Now its getting ready for weathering and erosion then TRANSPORTATION --> TRANSFORMATION! Praise the Lord!!! :)

Yea. Want to share with everyone the great news and I hope everyone anticipates and accepts God's plan, doing, giving and miracles ;)

Unending Love.

7 papers down. YESSAH CONQUERED THIS HORRIBLE WEEK!
3 more to go!
Economics essay, human geography & chemistry mcq.
I'M NOT GONNA GIVE UP!

So ironic. Haha! Have been slacking the whole day today, using computer, blog shopping, tv-ing, phoning. Attempted to read Econs, but very very very extremely fail. Haha!

I smell *sniff* ~~~ freedom.. Yay!
Hold on, I shouldn't be complacent that I have days to study for the next few papers.

All the best everyone!!!

Ps: YOU! cheer up!!!! Life may be dull, but it's up to you whether you want to make more colorful! :) don't give up and continue to have faith and courage in whatever you do! :) we'll be here for you always!!!!!! <3!!!

I hope everything's fine.

3 hours of math paper
3 hours of Econs tuition (almost died)
3 hours of supposedly "nap"
3 hardcore papers next week consecutively :(

Well, 4 papers down! 6 more to go.
Weeks (lazy to count) to the end of A's!
Which also means weeks to HONG KONG TRIP!
which also means weeeeeeeeks to church camp!
Which also means a new start of a journey.

Can't wait!

:( why's cambridge and MOE so mean to me :(

Hello Jiejie! If you even read my blog. Haha!

Happy 21st birthday! So old!! Itll be my turn soon.
Hope you'll study hard and use the pencil case I gave you! :D
All the best for university and hope you'll be in a good mood forever!!!!!

Your dearest (maybe not)
Meimei

Job 23:10

A state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.

A levels, one monster! D:

29 more days to A levels.

I NEED MORE MOTIVATION!!!!!
It kinda died-ed. Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

*Go Charlene you can do it!!!

Yes okay.. I just realize I've new readers on my blog. YES YOU! -.- kick you. HAHA!

If only you didn't turn away.

Headache oh headache why do love me so much.

Today is my 18th birthday :)
Time really past so quickly, like vroooom!
My birthday was near promos last year, and this year! It's near A levels.
I want to thank many many people!!! :) you know who you are.

My "birthday" started ytd! When my mum "woke me up" from my sleep and pass to me a pretty top :) she sure knows how to splurge. -.- Haha! Feel so bad but thanks mummy! :) great taste!

Then headed to church and DG celebrated birthday with me!! They gave me a cake! A changeable cover bible and a bible highlighter! So cute :)) thank you Gloria Debbie Nadine Charlotte Denise Shay!

So basically, today, started out abit fail. HAHA! sha was suppose to meet me at 650, but she was late for about 10 mins. (thanks for waking up sooooo early :))) Being the anxious me, I hopping around hoping not to be late for school. Then! Clara got lost!!! We couldn't find her! Because time was running out, I cabbed to school without seeing Clara :( sad-ded. But I still <3 her Hahahaha!

Finally knew what sha always wanted to bring to school, LUNCHBOXES!!!! her dad cooked delicious pasta-looking food for me!!! So nice :) haha. Thanks sha's dad. She prepared snacks in another box, and a cake in another! :) half written card but it's okay! Love them all. Haha!

Then I headed to school to meet the ALTOs! :) they sang at the void deck! (quite loud but lucky people rushing up already), haha. They got me a cute eeyore keychain, a cake and 8 deflated balloons! Hahaha! Felt so touched when I knew that they tried to wait for everyone to be present (and some had to rush to school) before starting!! :)

Tada next! Leung passed to me a bag of stuff! It consists of.... worksheets -.- hahaha! A toy shark?! A cup and a really cool card! Thanks Leung :)

AND EGGCITING PART, CLIQUE GOT ME A CUTE PRETTY NICE UNIQUE ONE AND ONLY STARBUCKS TUMBLR!!!!!! THE SHARKS ARE SO CUTE HAHAHA! thanks for the sunflower and cake too ;) the cards were fantastic :)) thanks everyone!

After school! Some of us went to holland starbucks to study! Not bad!! Quite productive considering the fact that 5 people studied tgr on 2 small round tables. Haha!

After sb, went to fosters (bad choice). New experience through! Great food, ambience. But bad choice because abit over. They sell mainly wines?!?! Food were extremely $$$$$. And it feels really awkward especially when I'm wearing uniform -.- but it was really filling! And nice :) nicest breaded chicken I've ever ate :)

Almost the end! Went home and Jiejie surprised me with a really (not worth the $) iPhone cover! It's pretty! But cannot protect my phone. I'm a really clumsy person and drops my phone (many many times). This iphone cover makes it more slippery. Good luck to me :) HAHA! But thank you Jiejie :)

After that! Last thing! Jiejie went to swensens with her bf to get me ice cream cake :) it resembles a banana boat but nah, doesn't look like, haha! Thank you Jiejie and Eugene!

The last few minutes of my birthday was spent listening to adon olam by the ACJC alumni choir during their first AEWF in London :) breathtaking :))

Anyway as what clique said this morn, I guess I'm going to have cake for for breakfast lunch dinner haha!

Thank you everyone who celebrated, wished, contributed, lived in my life :)
And most importantly, thank you God for giving me life :))

*sorry for the bad usage of English.

WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WHY AM I SO GREEDY :O

Hahaha. When I was in primary school, I had a few diaries and all consist of various people's personal info/poems/messages. :))

Egg crack was kind of a famous word which represents birthdate. So innocent and cute! Haha!!

There was once I Loveeeeeeeeeeeed this person's way of writing her profile, so I copied it. SO DIFFERENT! my handwriting + copying skills fail. Hahahaha!!!!

&!!! Please don't laugh!! When I was primary 2?! I "held" a diary writing competition. I thought of it one night, then got so excited and started calling my friends one by one to ask if they want to join! -.- HAHAHAHA!!!! and a prize will be given at the end of every month. In the end only 1 joined and she got the prize (i forgot what i gave her) hahaha!!

And who remembers this??? A diary always (maybe not always) contain rules and regulations behind the front cover. Being small and ignorant, I made up a list of rules which includes paying fines for almost everything. For eg, "if you tear the page, pay 20cents." "if you lost the book, pay 50 cents." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my!!!! My mum called me money-minded!!! -.- I thought it was a need because I copy from other people's diary. HAHA!

Some people like to tell me their secrets through the diary too! And they hide them by folding the top corner of the page so that people "won't be able to see it". HOW CUTE!! obviously, everyone will know right!!! -.- Haha!

I love flipping through these diaries, reminiscing the past, looking at all their cute little time pictures and neo-prints which were popular then.

Back to the topic. Egg crack.
What should I do after my egg crack 18 years later?

Decided! And finalized.
CHOP! Forever.

*Geog lesson now hoho

I feel like changing my decision, but I don't want to change it! -.-
Contradicting myself!

Help!!!

*shall update on my life soon, maybe not so soon. Heh.

yay! end of prelims.

okay i'm back for awhile!

it's been sooooo long since i blogged.
too lazy. haha!

prelim has been not very good. i don't know what to expect, but i guess i'm going to flunk everything D:
i guess i did my best, maybe at times slack abit because i was too bored/tired/going mad. D:

but i guess i really have to thank a few people who helped me a lot!!!

GOD. :D i must must must pray before i can sleep well, wake up and face terror, before and after the paper.

SHAY! hoho i mention you. doubt you'll even read my blog!!! do you? if you do TELL ME HAHAHAHA! you always study out with me. yay. i'll only rot at home like how i am now -.-

Lee Hsien LOONG HAHAHAHAHAH! (adapted from Davin). you don't even know i have a blog haha! thanks for helping me for math econs gp whatever you know.

Davin. part-time study partner. :D for the above few, i bet wendys and starbucks people can recognise us already. ahahahah!

of course, shanice!!!!! sorry for moaning so much AHHAHA! i think you used to it already. we keep moaning at each other! :O haha. thanks for listening to my nonsense and keep asking me to "JIA YOU" everywhere. hahahaha!

prelim hasn't end yet. it's just the beginning of another week of exams.
there's econs paper tomorrow, chemistry mcq on thursday and human geog on friday.

after that, i have 2 weeks break! yay.
firstly, i'm going to spend some time watching Shining Inheritance. muahahaha. shall finish it in like 2-3 days.
second, go for a flea at SAM! :O
third, make present for Hui san i guess
forth, still study of course, but for the first week, do something light, maybe read? ;D and do p&c
i can't think of anything else to do. haha!
fifth, P6 GATHERING! i miss everyone. :D
sixth! go for a cup of coffee and CHAT WITH SHAY. oh my i've been craving for a time when we can GO STARBUCKS and CHILL and not study -,- HAHAHHAHA!
seventh, fruit medley feast @ starbucks -.- with loong and shay. HAHAHAHAHHAHA!

okok back to abit of my drama then ECONS AND GEOG!!!! GOOOOOOOO!

there are many things which i want to blog about,
but it's just at that instance.

things that mean + meant so much to me,
i guess i'll keep that all in my memory (+/ heart).

it's been a long time

i'm hurt.
i feel hurt by the way you people treat me, but after all of you are my good friends.
but what can i do?
just smile and pretend it's nothing serious.

i know that all of you are joking. but to accuse jokingly is not funny.
it doesn't feel nice, at all.
maybe i did say someting that make you all think i mean that way, but if i say the other, you all will deny -.- so i might as well say what's real.

being humble is good.
but being true to yourself, isn't that good too?
not that i say that i'm this, i'm that.
i just say that i'm sk_. -.- (because when i say i'm f_ you all ask me to stop joking -.- and i was just joking. since when am i so thick skin -.-)
why are you people using that point to push me to my limits.

first you all say (jokingly) i'm _, then _, then _, then _. and you all claim that i'm the one who said it.
but you all intepret my words wrongly and accuse me for saying.
i can't stand it ): but i can't scream.

you all may not be aware how hurtful it is, i guess i just have to keep on playing along with you people?

sigh..

i should live for myself, and not for others, right?
why should i always be controlled.

i really don't understand you. ):
i'm trying to understand you but i just can't.
sometimes, i feel pissed but if i show that i am pissed i know it'll turn into a big matter for i don't know what reason.
not that it's my fault, i'm just stupid that way.
i can't keep up your pace, can you please compromise.

i'm tired of living. i want to relief the past.
those were the days where i do not have to worry about all these crap.
i just need to let it out. i've no one else to turn to.

sorry.

Lord, please help me.

*i don't mean to hurt anyone in any way. i decided to blog because i know you people don't read my blog. no one does. so here i am.

finally, i on the computer!
many things happened this week.

let me start with the happy things first.
today clique celebrated Shanice's belated birthday!
i sew this shirt!!! super cool! it says 29 at the back ( her favourite number ), and "i'm eighteen" in front. :D hope she'll like it.
we had lunch at pizza hut at suntec, then headed to merlion and talk? we were supposed to watch fireworks at MBS but everyone was late. so plan fail.
we spammed polaroids. hoho.

tomorrow's memory verse test! GG. i memorised but abit fail uh. cannot really recall. :X

i hope that God will love and protect non-christians just as how He loves christians. actually He loves everyone.
but recently, beat's dad past away due to cancer. but he isn't a christian. ):
when i received news about it, i was stunned.
so fast? what's beatrice going to do? how is she going to cope? Prelims in 5 weeks, A levels in months. will she be able to handle her emotions well?
tomorrow is the day. i hope she'll learn to slowly let go, but of course let it rest in her heart.
i hope she's going to be alright.

beat! i know you may not read but we are all here for you! you must stay strong for your mum and bro! they need you too. if you need comfort, come to us okay! don't be afraid to cry.

love,
char

Labels: 0011, 7 July 2011

i'm not suppose to on my com! but because i have to do my SGC ): i have to on.

i shall not on computer from tues-thurs!!!! for next wk!

tomorrow is my last day of holiday!

it's FRIDAY!!!!! so fastttttt!!!!
and i left 3 days of holiday!!!!!
i miss holidays!!! i want more holidays!!!!!!!!!!!!

today was simply crazy.
i was totally shagged. kind of fell asleep at the last part of econs tuition (last qns).
boom. nevermind. hahaha.
i have gp tuition tmr at 1030! i think i cannot wake up D: but i must! D:
after that i have math tuition from 1-4! can't wait for math tuition. need to ask SO MANY QNS!!!

after that i'll be going home to rest/sleep. becauseeeeeeeeeeee...........
(provided shay's parents allow) I'LL BE STUDYING OVERNIGHT AT CHANGI AIRPORT!
always wanted to do this but never had a chance to do so since all my friends don't go out at night.
so i asked shay. hahahha!
exciting, but i think i'll be sleeping half the time -.-

actually one of the drive for us to have this overnight thing is because of the mega flea at expo from fri-sun as told by shay. HAHAHAHAH!
so conveniently, we can visit expo before/after studying. muahahahahah great plan.

am now amazed at michael buble's lyric videos.
i really like them! so interesting.
(Y) to the person/people who thought of it+ created it + made it+ their brains.

yeap and back to the title of this post, i guess i've been _?_ too much.
i should just let nature take its course right??? -.-
why did i enter into a land of dreams these few weeks. stupid charlene!
stick to your notes and not dream anymore!

i better sleep soon! have been sleeping for 3-3.5 hours a day.

reah-trey sour sdei !!

after 9 hours of lessons ---> zombified.

today is wednesday! which means tomorrow is thursday -.-

today, i gave myself a break.